Never Ask a Question Unless You Are Sure You Can Live With the Answer

For years, I have cherished the memory of how a friend, about to leave the country, had kissed me, her impulsive expression of the sincere affection and unspoken sexual tension between us.  I remembered the pressure of her arms around me, the tiny flick of her tongue against mine, how I felt warmed inside afterward, knowing that she had affirmed that never-expressed connection between us.

The other day, I asked her why I didn't hear from her anymore.  She told me that recent events, some personal and some public, had enabled her to admit that she had never felt the same towards me after that time I grabbed her and forced my tongue into her mouth.

It would be easy for me to angrily deny that it had happened the way she recounted it, but I can see that no good would come of doing so.  It would not restore the friendship I had damaged so carelessly, nor would it restore the illusion I had before.

Often, when someone asks me a rhetorical question in an argument, I am able to provide a non-rhetorical answer, to my great amusement.  I will often follow that reply (with links to documentation supporting my claim) by saying, "Never ask a  question if you aren't sure you can live with the answer."

"What Sort of Training Do You Need, My Dear?"

"I need be trained into a good submissive. Learn to take whatever is being done to body and not saying or moving.  — a******6"

That is an interesting proposition.  It reminds me of a time when I stood facing a blank wall and was punched again and again, never knowing where or when the next one would land.  I was thinking about that incident just today, as it happens.  Problem is, I wasn't a sub doing a scene with my lover.  I was a kid being physically and emotionally abused by my brother, his command to remain in position enforced by a savage kick to my kidney or my testicles when I tried to move.
Incidents like that may be why I am a Dom today, I don't know.
But enough about me.  How shall I go about training you?  Let me think on that.

Reasonable Compensation

New Kink: Amitery

I believe I have detected (I would never go so far as to say "invented") a new kink: the domination of an older woman by a younger man (down to "barely legal" territory).

I have named it "Amitery", after the Latin word for "aunt".

If you should happen to share this kink, feel free to contact me.

The Lies We Tell Ourselves

In 2008, I had to make a decision. Whichever choice I made, I thought it would kill me to forgo the other. I felt as though I were being torn in two, and I wasn't very well put together even before all that came up.

I tried for the longest time to avoid making that choice. To dream up some way to have things both ways. If I had been a more whole person back then, maybe I could even have found a better way, I don't know. Certainly I could have come to a firm conclusion faster, which would have been easier for all parties concerned.

I thought I had made my decision, but then all at once I was uncertain again. I am not sure how close this situation came to killing me, but I know that I spent a lot of time thinking about ways in which I might suffer a fatal accident, and thus be spared having to make that goddamned decision.

The situation as it stands is far from perfect. None of us has everything we wanted. But I can live with it. Or anyway, I've stopped wishing I were dead.

But how I wish I had not caused so much needless pain to those others. There is no upside to that, and no way to reduce the shame I feel at how I treated the ones who were dearest to me.

arcadiaberger.blogspot.com

Come check out Arcadia Berger's new site, http://arcadiaberger.blogspot.com, where she shamelessly plugs her ebooks.

But then, Arcadia Berger does most things shamelessly.