Life is Full of Surprises

Strange, strange. Until today, this was the blurb for this blog:

Life is full of surprises. Two years ago I thought I was a happily married man in an open relationship who would remain married to my wife for the rest of our lives. Now I'm in the process of divorce and courting the mother of my child.

I was all set to move in with R this month, and then....

My wife asked me to give her another chance: three months to show me that we could live together better and happier than we had ever been before. I told R that I was deeply tempted by the offer, and thought that maybe I owed it to her to let her try again. R reluctantly agreed to allow me the three-month trial.

I'm not sure if I said or did something wrong, or gave R some kind of wrong impression, or if maybe it was simply that when I took my wife up on her offer, but R took it very badly. She showered me with blistering abuse for several days, in response to which I tried to be polite and respectful.

Although she had previously given me many assurances that she would always allow me to spend time with our child, R revoked that offer and swore that I would never see him again.

I don't know whether R will feel differently in the future. Hell, I don't even know whether my wife and I will be able to work things out, although she has frankly surprised me so far. If I do wind up staying with my wife, I know that R and I will probably never be entirely comfortable with one another, but I hope that I will be able to offer R and her child whatever help and friendship I am able.

And although neither my wife nor R want to hear it right now, I will say once more, for the record, that I love R and always will.

Now, Always and Forever.

Now What?

I have always said, "There is a way", but what if there isn't?Perhaps I have put myself in a position from which there is no honorable way to move, no way to avoid a choice that breaks the heart of at least one person I would rather die than hurt.But to choose death myself would only cause still more pain than any choice I can make. So what then?

I have no idea.