Saturday, February 23, 2008

I Get Knocked Down

But I get up again.

Just Barely Hanging On

A few days ago, I was making plans to break up with my wife of 23 years. I felt sick and lost and fearful, with maybe a little bit of exhilaration at the prospects for a whole new life -- although really it felt a lot more like being in an out-of-control car skidding on ice, than it did a roller coaster.

Right now, I think I'm going to be reconciled with my wife. And I'm in a state of mind that has been all too familiar over the course of my life: Just Barely Hanging On.

One thing that is different: I'm noticing that my wife is also just barely hanging on, and that in the past she has been a lot closer to the edge (physically and emotionally) than I have ever been.

LOLCunt Furburger

LOLCunt Beach

Mood Has An Effect

I was listening to a musician playing an assortment of familiar songs, and I noticed that I was in a bad mood.

I knew that because of how I would have answered a quiz like this one:

When I hear "Singin' in the Rain", I think of
A. Gene Kelly in Singin' in the Rain.
B. Gene Kelly on The Muppet Show.
C. Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange.

When I hear "Over the Rainbow", I think of
A. Judy Garland singing it in The Wizard of Oz.
B. A wistful gay man listening to it on his stereo.
C. Judy Garland's suicide.

And like that.

If You Are Depressed*

You could do worse than to listen to this.

Soul Flower Mononoke Summit doing a rendition of The Internationale that could make J. Edgar Hoover smile.

*Yes, I am acutely depressed lately -- taking antidepressants to keep suicidal thoughts at bay.**

** Why yes, as it happens, much of what has gone wrong for me lately is indeed my own fault. Thanks for reminding me, or I might have forgotten that.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Moonlight Sonata

The other day, I heard a musician talk about how Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata was composed, just before he played it.

It seems that Beethoven loved a woman he could not marry. The musician said it was a married woman -- turns out not to be so, but in any event, circumstances prevented them from marrying, and so he dedicated his next composition to her, transmuting his frustration and longing into something beautiful.

Call me dense, but I swear that it never occurred to me until that moment that other people had been where I was, and survived it.

Saturday, February 9, 2008


Some of you know me. Other don't know me. And some know me but don't know it yet. All of you are welcome.