Sunday, August 1, 2010

Head Above Water

Last month, I tried a new antidepressant. I won't annoy you with the brand name or a testimonial of its effectiveness. It works for me where others did not -- YMMV.

But I really do feel very different.

I can now look back over my life and realize just how abnormal it was for me to feel as though I were swimming along the surface of a pool of dirty, stagnant water, trying hard not to disturb my perfect equilibrium of buoyancy lest I sink beneath the surface and have to fight my way back to the air.

The disturbances that could send me sinking were almost any unhappy thought -- regrets from the past, worries about the future, dissatisfaction with the present -- anything upsetting.

It seems a lot easier for me than it ever has been before. I think I will be able to make more progress in my life now.

Maybe. We'll see. I live in hope.

The only alternative is to live without hope.

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