Reasonable Compensation

Academy Demolished

The Academy for Difficult Girls has lost its home at Yahoo yet again.

I don't know whether this was the work of that creepy little stalker who has been posting libels against me on various groups, or the mischief of some random clod, or just another meaningless glitch in Yahoo's system.


Don't suppose it matters -- Yahoo explains nothing, apologizes for nothing.


There is a backup group,


http://www.keepitnice.com/kinc/pg/groups/11774/academy-for-difficult-girls/

and when I have the time and energy and am not feeling so kicked in the teeth as I am right now, I will create, I suppose, Academy 5 at Yahoo.


In the meantime, my apologies for the interruption of service.

Speak Out With Your Geek Out

http://www.speakoutwithyourgeekout.com/

My big geekiness is history, I have recently discovered.

I didn't list "history" among my interests until my wife pointed out to me that I had taught a middle-school class about the Cold War era [primarily by showing them "Dr. Strangelove" ("This is what we feared") and "2001" ("This is what we hoped for")], had written a series of alternate-history stories, was always surprising people with tidbits of historical trivia....

"We Hope To Grow a Whole President Eventually"

According to Jack Cashill, the photo on the left is a fake, and the one in the center is genuine. In spite of its still having young Obama's knee in it.

http://pandagon.net/index.php/site/comments/friday_genius_ten_obamas_knee_is_a_citizen_edition/

I say that the photo on the right, which I made in just over 30 minutes with a squirming three year old on my lap, is a better fake than Cashill's.

I leave it to you to decide who is right.

[UPDATE: Upon the recommendation of several people, I have now hidden my signature within my version of this photo to discourage its reuse by Cashill or other clowns.]

Answering a "So Much Pun" Challenge

There you go.

Happy 90th Birthday, Ray Bradbury

Here's your present:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1IxOS4VzKM

Weird But Apparently Real Books on Amazon

http://www.amazon.com/Amazon-Oddities-Weirdness-Books/lm/R11LZ0L58F8SLL/ref=cm_lmt_DYNA_f_3_russss0?pf_rd_p=496997231&pf_rd_s=listmania-center&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1425992609&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1MYEF42RVHYVGEQST8SF

Unexplained . . . .

Over at Shakesville ( http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/12/question-of-day_10.html?dsq=25496616#comment-25496616 ) the Question of the Day is whether you have had any personal experience of "the unexplained": ghosts, UFOs, telepathy, &c.

It reminded me of when my brothers and I were little, and we would make up our own radio shows, complete with commercials and theme songs. One of our favorites was introduced with a thin, spooky voice singing: "Unexplained . . . unexplained . . . Unexplained Phenomena!" [THUMP THUMP!]

Here is my answer, inspired by a couple of dozen earlier ones:

I have always described myself as suffering from tinnitus (in the form of prolonged high-pitched whines akin to the behavior of malfunctioning electronics), but after reading a comment at Shakesville, I'm thinking of starting to call it "exploding head syndrome": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploding_head_syndrome

In response to someone who has been troubled by undulating walls, I observe that I can deliberately make a wall or ceiling begin to seemingly undulate, if I stare at it long enough. It's just an artifact of the way the nervous system is put together, not a physical phenomenon. You don't need to be scared of it. In fact, it can help to pass a boring interval.

In response to several references to sleep paralysis, I told the story of how I once came into my little son's bedroom and saw him staring wide-eyed at the ceiling. He seemed so strange, for a moment I thought he must be dead, but when I spoke to him, he blinked and then closed his eyes and relaxed into normal sleep. I woke him to sleep. Wow.

In response to someone whose "UFO" turned out to be a blimp, I said that I once saw a blimp passing overhead, and for a moment of terror and elation was convinced that I had slipped into some alternate world.

Regarding ghosts, I don't believe in them, but if I ever see any evidence of their presence, I won't go out of my way to ignore it, either.

But my one genuine unexplained experience is having read a summary of a comic book story (Superboy & the Legion of Super-Heroes #195, 1973: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wildfire_%28comics%29) before it was ever published, and possibly before it was written. Pretty minor, right? But I have no rational explanation for how I could have the vivid memory of reading a text page in a comic book which described the debut and apparent death of ERG-1 before he was published. Spooky....

Nice Wood

Today, as we have more than once, my wife and I were driving in the hills east of Corvallis, and passed Nicewood Drive, only this time we looked at each other, snickered and exchanged those fateful words:
"Nice wood...."
"Wanna fuck?"
Because you're only young once, but you can be immature your whole life. 8-) :-})

On the Streets of Portland

KPOJ, "Portland's Only Progressive Talk Station", is sponsoring a team in Portland's Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, called "Get Outta My 'raq", thus demonstrating that multi-layered cultural references don't need to be subtle or clever.

But it does bring to mind this image, which I have not yet been able to expel, of Lady Babylonia entered in the race, going down the streets of Portand with classical draperies over a sports bra that contains her Junoesque though alas occupied bosom.

Her cousin Portlandia hands her a cup of Bull Run water as she passes, while the Dragon of the Ishtar Gate yelps happily at her heels.

I blame Detective Neptune, myself.

44 Odd Things

44 ODD Things about you! If you opened this, FILL IT OUT! Learn 44 things about your friends, and let them learn 44 things about you! Send back to me and to several more friends !!

1. Do you like blue cheese? Moderately.
2. Have you ever smoked? No.
3. Do you own a gun? No
4. What flavor of Kool Aid is your favorite? Plain (i.e., just water, with no powder added).
5. Do you get nervous before dentist appointments? Yes.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I like them but don't really respect them.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? It's a Wonderful Life.
8. Favorite thing to drink in the morning? Coffee with milk and Ovaltine.
9. Can you do push ups? Yes. It hurts more than it used to, though.
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding ring, a half-inch gold band that matches my wife's.
11. Favorite hobby? Writing fanfic.
12. Do you have A.D.D.? A pretty bad case.
13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? Aside from my ADD, which is a perpetual burden, my inability to express anger constructively.
14. Middle name? [Not available, but it's one of those virtue names like Felicity or Constance]
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. A) Methodists sure do sing better than Quakers (I have escorted my frail father to church, and am sitting in an adjoining room).B) The fog this morning was awfully pretty, lit up all dawn-rosy.C) I wish my knee didn't hurt every single day.
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Coffee, water, pomegranate juice.
17. Current worry? Work prospects.
18. Current hate right now? My seeming inability to communicate some very basic truths to a friend.
19. Favorite place to be? Sitting propped up on my bed, with a book or laptop in front of me, a warm mocha to my right and my sweetie to my left.
20. How did you bring in the new year? Alas, New Year's Eve was very unpleasant for me because of a misunderstanding with my wife, but we had a better New Year on January third.
21. Where would you like to go? I'd like to watch a space shuttle landing
.22. Name three people who will complete this: How on Earth should I know?
23. Do you own slippers? Yes. I tend to let them get too old to actually keep my feet warm nor to be comfortable against my soles, but right now I'm wearing some very nice slippers because my sweetie bought them for me.
24. What shirt are you wearing? A red-and-maroon print button-down shirt that is just a bit too short in the body and the sleeves for me but too pretty to get rid of, besides which it was given to me by a dear friend I don't get to see much of anymore. Besides, it was clean.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Never tried. I have always presumed they would be rather chilly on a cold night.
26. Can you whistle? Yes. wish I had a wider range.
27. Favorite color? Blue. The blue of a clear summer sky.
28. Would you be a pirate? No, pirates steal and hurt people.
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Most often, I take advantage of the white sound of the running water to summon up the hallucination of a Sousa march played by a large marching band.
30. Favorite Girl's Name: Dorothy (my mother's name).
31. Favorite boy's name: Charles (the name of my grandfather, among others).
32. What's in your pocket right now? Cell phone, glasses case, my work schedule for the month, a 3x5 card with some other things I'm supposed to take care of right away, three pairs of disposible vinyl gloves.
33. Last thing that made you laugh? My reaction to one of these questions.
34. What vehicle do you drive? An Isuzi pickup truck, on "long-term loan" from an uncle who is too frail to drive it any longer.
35. Worst injury you've ever had? The hole in my head, if post-surgical wounds count. Otherwise, the chronic-strain injury I have created in my lower back.
36. Do you love where you live? Yes.
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? One. We watch videos once in awhile.
38. Who is your loudest friend? One of the voices in my head, if it really is a friend.
39. Do you have any pets? No, and I am not sure why not.
40. Does someone have a crush on you? Oh, dear, I hope not.
41. Your favorite book? Heavenly Discourse by C.E.S. Wood.
42. Do you collect anything? Not really. I read comic books, and for many years I accumulated them, but one day I discovered that I felt perfectly fine about releasing them back into the wild.
43. Favorite Sports Team? Brooklyn Dodger. Yes, I've heard, but you asked, and that's my answer.
44. What song do you want played at your funeral? Schiller's Ode to Freedom. I'd rather have all of Beethoven's Ninth, but I don't want to demand that much of people's time, so I'll invite them all to go home and YouTube it in my memory later on.

Reflections

If I had it to do all over again, how would I do things?

If I could rewrite my life so that it did not include the pain I caused to my wife, and to R, and to N, and to others . . . .

But in that case, I would not have had so many good, rewarding experiences, ranging from the birth of R-boy to the simple good times I had with each of my lovers.

So I am in the position of feeling terribly guilty over actions by which I benefitted immensely, some of which I simply could not wish undone.

So what does that make me?

Maybe just...an American.

You Not Read This

The following passage is highly offensive and blasphemous, and you should not read it:

"the pain of consummation soon melted away. Muhammad was so gentle. I hardly felt the scorpion's sting. To be in his arms, skin to skin, was the bliss I had longed for all my life."

You also should not read the rest of the manuscript, which is why Random House is withholding publication.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121797979078815073.html?mod=opinion_main_commentaries

Now say thank you.

The Name Game

I hear tell some people are trying on different possible interpretations of the root meaning of the names "Barack" and "Obama" in hope of embarrassing the man.

I wonder whether supporters of Senator Fratricidal Toilet are really wise to go there.

Men: Sex is Good for You

and it's even better for you if it doesn't involve anyone else:

http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn3942

Who Would Play You, and How Many?

If someone were to make a movie about your life after the fashion of I'm Not There, how many people would represent you, what kind of people would they be, what might they be called as characters, &c.?

I'll start for myself:

Tiger My early self would be played by a child of about twelve (around the time my wife and I were married, one of our friends described me as "mentally about twelve years old", and I don't know that I would dispute the description), who would lose his virginity, lose his girlfriend, go to college, flunk out, join the Navy, be bounced out on a COG discharge, date some more women, go back to college, meet and marry an older woman, and still be about twelve.

The Doctor At first, the Doctor only appears when Tiger sits down at a computer keyboard, a slick-haired stereotypical "ladies' man" of the 1930s in a white lab coat, with a satchel full of menacing-looking semi-medical devices which are actually instruments of pain and pleasure. Once in awhile he will appear for just a moment while Tiger is talking with one of his lovers, or while he is watching television or reading and something sets off his fetishes (spanking, male dominance, humiliation). Eventually, the Doctor takes over Tiger's sex life, with the grinning mischievous child only appearing in the aftermath of orgasm.

Dad Played by the same actor who appears as Tiger's father in early scenes only with a beard, Dad is a hard-workin' man who feeds his children and supports his wife. Unfortunately, he spends a lot of his time asleep, and in several scenes Tiger is shown trying to prod snoring Dad awake at a critical moment. Tiger and the Doctor both start writing short stories, but it's always Dad who finishes them and sends them off to a publisher, if anyone does.

Mom Played by the same actress who appears as Tiger's mother, only with a beard, Mom is a loving, nurturing soul who plays with her children and teaches them, and is constantly spouting political opinions, often rather odd ones.

There, I think that covers my major facets fairly well. So, how about you?

Which Beatles song are you? Your Result: Here Comes the Sun You're an optimistic to the core, and you usually ride out tough times with the future in mind. Winter is your least favorite time of year. Your positive attitude is not overbearing, and others welcome your encouragement.
All You Need is Love
Hey Jude
The Space Between
Twist and Shout
Eleanor Rigby
Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite
Yellow Submarine
Which Beatles song are you? Quizzes for MySpace

Mood Has An Effect

I was listening to a musician playing an assortment of familiar songs, and I noticed that I was in a bad mood.

I knew that because of how I would have answered a quiz like this one:

When I hear "Singin' in the Rain", I think of
A. Gene Kelly in Singin' in the Rain.
B. Gene Kelly on The Muppet Show.
C. Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange.

When I hear "Over the Rainbow", I think of
A. Judy Garland singing it in The Wizard of Oz.
B. A wistful gay man listening to it on his stereo.
C. Judy Garland's suicide.

And like that.